Quotes About Humor

Onions make me sad, a lot of people don't realize that. When I'm cutting onions, I'm sad. Because the plight of onions, it's sad. But people don't realize I'm actually crying - they think I'm just reacting.

I can see the humorous side of things and enjoy the fun when it comes; but look where I will, there seems to me always more sadness than joy in life.

Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness its poison

Sometimes I think Ill give up trying, and just go completely Russian and sit on a stove and moan all day.

Happy birthday to someone I feel incredibly close to when I'm intoxicated.

Happy birthday to someone who's spent more time on top of a bar than an Olympic gymnast.

Happy birthday to a dear friend who will always have my support in lying about your age.

Happy Birthday from your only friend other than alcohol.

Congratulations on not being remotely young enough to be picked for the Hunger Games.

You'll never guess what I got you for your birthday because I didn't get you anything for your birthday.

You age like cheese...You just keep getting smellier!

It's ok to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I've already alerted the fire department.

Money's tight. Times are hard. Here's you friggin birthday card.

Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe.

Happy birthday and make sure to remind me how old you're pretending to be.

Happy birthday to a person who is smart, good looking, and funny and reminds me a lot of myself.

Happy Birthday. Just one more year and you will be perfect. Yes, I did say that last year.

You're at an age when your back goes out more than you do. Happy 65th Birthday

We all have a family member who think they're a professional photographer.

After all, what is a pedestrian? He is a man who has two cars-one being driven by his wife, the other by one of his children.

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together

Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.