Quotes About Humor

If I had balls, I'd shave them for you this Valentine's Day

The best part of being my own date for Valentine's Day is knowing I'm guaranteed to score.

I'm going to spend Valentine's Day with my Ex...Box 360!

Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.

A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you're single: priceless!

Roses are red, violets are blue. If your man is busy on Valentines Day, then the side chick is you.

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!

You know what the duck said when their lover left them? "Quack!" I guess you can say that the duck quacked.

My ex boyfriends facebook status said 'Suicidal and standing on the edge.' ...So I poked him.

My ex? Yeah, I'd still hit that. Only this time, it'd be with a car or a baseball bat...

I couldn't help but noticing that I'm much better looking than all of your ex-girlfriends.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder...

Don't fall in love. Fall off a bridge, it hurts less.

I'm one more bad relationship away from having to buy a cat.

Yeah, my boyfriend does this REAAAALLYY cute thing..where he doesn't exist.

I know you think you broke my heart, but I saw your game right from the start, I knew it well and played it too, so laugh it up the jokes on you.

Mom always said to laugh at my mistakes so pardon me if I laugh in your face.

When you said you loved me, did you forget to say just kidding?

A good way to breakup with your girlfriend is to introduce her as your ex girlfriend at parties. It softens the blow.

A pretty girl can kiss a guy, a bird can kiss a butterfly, the rising sun can kiss the grass, but you my 'friend,' you can kiss my ass.

I gave that bi... a plunger, 'cause bi...es love bringing up old sh...

Good humor is the health of the soul, is sadness its poison.

They say laughter is the best medicine. But one thing's for sure: it doesn't heal a broken heart.