Quotes About Humor

life is just a hand job.

We take the piss out of someone else because it makes us feel better about the stuff that's screwing us up.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

All you need is one friend who makes you laugh, who laughs at the same things you do.

Sometimes you're about as funny as a busted condom.

These local yokels couldn't find their own asses if you tattooed their names on each cheek.

Hey, it's me. Just checking if you were dead. If you aren't, call me. If you are, call me anyway.

Of course, from an absurdist perspective, all deaths are a punch line: the good news is, you're born; the bad news is, you die. Life is a death sentence.

We will take a few moments and make fun of religious people, and we do this in love. No, we do, because we love to make fun of religious people.

Beware the inveterate punster, Doyle, it's a sure sign of brewing mental disturbance.

I take all the best parts of YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook, and combine them into a whole new service called Ã¢â'¬Â¦ YouTwit-face.

Dude, you're scaring the crap out of me,' said Nick. 'I'm serious, I literally have no crap right now.

Check that - I've found the end. Nick, please be kind enough to withdraw your head to a reasonable distance from my hindquarters.' -Ajay

to pay for pussy, there wouldn't be enough members left in the chamber of commerce to play gin.

Why didn't women come with a freaking Error Message box?

At the brunch, I told her I had been in Alaska a few months earlier. And she opened her mouth wide in a look of genuine surprise, as if no one had ever gone to Alaska before. "Why didn't you look me up?" she said, again sounding sincere. I made a joke about not wanting to get shot. She made me promise to look her up in Wasilla next time. (How does one "look up" Sarah Palin in Alaska, anyway? Is she listed? Can we become texting buddies?)

The Beatles did everything with down-to-earth humor, honesty, optimism, style, charisma, irreverence, intelligence, and a particularly spiky disdain for falseness.

We're so far from having any control over what happens to us, it's not even funny. Well, that's not true, actually. It is funny.

I stink, therefore I think.

Any asshole with a Masters in Social Work can put on a turban and start issuing fatwas about whom you can and whom you can't mail meat to, but it takes real balls to turn a brunette without a cranium into a blond.

No, that watch doubles as a high-power flame-thrower and a bidet.

What's that you say, girl? A foamy-mouthed kitty bit your ass and now you've gone mondo batshit?

Naked guy think Hulk stupid?

Go ahead, bub. Make some kind of joke.