Quotes About Humor

This brings up yet another, far more important misconception: that being comically generative and having a sense of humor are one and the same thing. The former is among the least important things in the world, while the latter is among the most. One is a handy social tool, the other an integral component of human survival. It bears repeating a third time: Not being funny doesn't make you a bad person. Not having a sense of humor does.

WHEN you are creeping through the literary underbrush hoping to bag a piece of humor with your net, nothing seems funny," Russell Baker wrote in a preface to an anthology of American humor that he compiled. "The thing works the other way around. Humor is funny when it sneaks up on you and takes you by surprise." Yes

Mark Twain humorously quipped: "No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.

In 1996 the Queen traveled to Toronto to catch Diahann Carroll playing the lead in a new staging of Sunset Boulevard. "She didn't realize it wasn't going to be freezing," said Erma, "so she ordered up a mink coat from one of the better department stores. Because the coat was so enormous, she decided it required a ticket of its own. She and her coat sat together on the front row. It was hysterical.

Harriet resisted, until Tara pulled out the big move...the combination "lean-against nuzzle, with a slight lick and an adoring glance." In dog-land the move had a degree of difficulty of nine point seven, and as far as I know, there is no known defense against it.

Classical music is not really my thing, and I know absolutely nothing about it. If you told me you saw Brendel play Brahms last night, I would ask you who won.

Of course. I've been known to fancy a few bangers myself.

Reminds me of a joke. A cowboy lost his Bible in the desert. A couple of months later a cow wanders over with a book in its mouth. The cowboy takes the book—it's his lost Bible. 'What a miracle; praise the Lord!' the cowboy exclaims. 'Not really,' says the cow. 'Your name is on the inside cover.

Good humor isn't a trait of character, it is an art which requires practice.

If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.

The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.

When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard.

What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.

If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to engage in physical combat. Once, he hit me on the back of the head with a broken wineglass, and I fell to the floor pretending to be unconscious. That was romantic, or would have been had he rushed to my side rather than stepping over my body to fetch the dustpan.

Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires. Hot as shit. Windy as shit. I myself was confounded as shit...

When a hurricane damaged my father's house, my brother rushed over with a gas grill, three coolers of beer, and an enormous Fuck-It Bucket - a plastic pail filled with jawbreakers and bite-size candy bars. ("When shit brings you down, just say 'fuck it,' and eat yourself some motherfucking candy.")

It's just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking.

That's when it struck me that I can't take my life as long as I can still laugh.

It was so sick, I started laughing," she says. "I laughed and cried at the same time. That's when it struck me that I can't take my life as long as I can still laugh.

Sorry I painted the word 'twat' on your garage door.

This is CID homicide, mister, and neither heat nor rain nor gloom of night will stay these men from their rendezvous with callousness. Cruel jokes? The cruelest. Sick humor? The sickest. And, you ask, how can they possibly do it? Volume. That's right, volume. They won't be outsold, they won't be undersold; they will solve no crime before its time.