Quotes About Humor

I said, "Ben. Would you give your mother and me a moment alone, please?" Ben giggled. "You want me to amscray?" "Yes, Ben, I want you to amscray.

We said our good-byes and I called Joe Pike to tell him that we were once more employed. His answering machine picked up on the first ring and beeped. He used to have a one-word message that just said, "Speak," but I guess he felt it was long-winded. Now, there was just the beep. When I asked him how people were supposed to know who they had gotten or what to do, he'd said, "Intelligence test." That Pike is something, isn't he?

I put my Corvette in the carport, and met him at the kitchen door. Pike said, "Nice eye." No hello, no hey, are you all right? "Clark do that?" You can always count on your friends for humor.

Humor. I am my own best audience. Meryl

We pulled into Spago and let the valet have the car. Lucy suggested that I wear my Groucho Marx nose as a disguise to prevent adoring fans from mobbing me, but I pointed out that then everyone might think I was Groucho Marx and I would be mobbed anyway. I decided to risk going as myself.

Long. Not interesting. Coffee?" "No thanks. I'm trying to cut back." "I thought coffee was a prerequisite for being a cop." "That's donuts. What do lawyers eat?" "Each other.

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will.

If it is with outer seriousness, it must be with inner humor. If it is with outer humor, it must be with inner seriousness. Neither one alone without the other under it will do.

I may have wept that any should have died Or missed their chance, or not have been their best, Or been their riches, fame, or love denied; On me as much as any is the jest. I take my incompleteness with the rest. God bless himself can no one else be blessed I hold your doctrine of Memento Mori. And were an epitaph to be my story I'd have a short one ready for my own. I would have written of me on my stone: I had a lover's quarrel with the world.

It Was on Fire When I Lay Down on It

One Nice Guy asked me, If a man is talking in the forest and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

The motor-car went Poop-poop-poop, As it raced along the road. Who was it steered it into a pond? Ingenious Mr. Toad!

AESTHETICS OF COMEDY ASLEEP Don't wake the clown Or he may knock you down.

The very existence of poetry should make us laugh. What is that all about? What is it for?

It is well said that the Bible contains very little humor, but it does have much to say about the importance of genuine joy in the life of each believer.

cupid, get your worthless ass down here

Well, strap my ass to a flagpole and hoist it skyward' an all to familiar voice declared.

Maggie scoffed. Denial will not save you when Cupid's arrow find its mark. If i see Cupid anywhere in the vicinity, I'm ripping his chubby little arms off. Vanda yanked the door open to Romatech.

Ignore him, Heather begged. I do. Constantly. Jean-Luc studied the coach, then turned to Heather with a wary look. Every man in this town wants you. She laughed. Yea, right. The old guys from the nursing home go into cardiac arrest whenever I walk by. His gaze drifted over her. I can believe that.

Phineas gave Abigail an encouraging smile. "Chillax, dudette. He didn't want to bite you." She wondered if she'd overreacted. "He didn't?" "Naw." Phineas smirked. "He just wanted to jump your bones.

Don't give me the evil eye. You were the one about to star in an X-rated porno flick.-Phineas

After four hundred and ninety-three years of teleporting from one place to another, Angus Mackay still felt an urge to peek under his kilt to ensure everything had arrived in fine working condition. There were some areas where a man, vampire or not, would hate to find himself shortchanged.

She smiled. You're looking hot, dude. Gregori strutted toward the door. I'm too sexy for my cape, too sexy for my fangs. Too sexy. He whirled in a circle, then struck a disco pose with a hand pointing at the ceiling. Too sexy! He left with a flourish of his cape. Shanna grinned. I think he enjoys being a vampire.

The little weasel ripped all the buttons off my couch. Ivan Petrovsky, pg 350