Quotes About Humor

I DON'T have EX's! I have Y's. Like 'Y the hell did I date you?!' -Kevin Hart

I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like ! It was born 15 minutes ago it looks like a potato.

Life is like comedy—it's all in the timing." She

A creative writing teacher at San Jose State used to say about clichés: 'Avoid them like the plague.' Then he'd laugh at his own joke. The class laughed along with him, but I always thought clichés got a bum rap. Because, often, they're dead-on. But the aptness of the clichéd saying is overshadowed by the nature of the saying as a cliché.

I laughed. Partly at the joke, partly at how Afghan humor never changed. Wars were waged, the Internet was invented, and a robot had rolled on the surface of Mars, and in Afghanistan we were still telling Mullah Nasruddin jokes.

the Tariq who did not get headaches, who had once said that in Siberia snot turned to ice before it hit

Personal Note: I'm trying really hard to keep a straight face at this point)

Uh... , Ivy stammered, and I glanced up to see her eyes wide in consideration. I'm kidding, I said. It passed the lethal-amulet test, remember? Not that. You keep it in your underwear drawer? I hesitated, wondering why I was embarrassed. Well, where do you put your elven magic? I asked.

What are you doing now? Al questioned Seeing if your circumcision is gone? It is. My expression went blank, and Trent hesitated. He looked at me, and I put a hand to my mouth, face flaming. Oh. My. God. Trent. I'm sorry Um Trent said, clearly at a loss. Call me tomorrow, Al said seriously, I've got a curse that will take care of that. Unless you like the snake in a turtleneck look

Sure am glad I'm not royalty, I muttered. I wouldn't want to have to bump uglies with someone I can't stand. On a regular basis. And no one else. Ow! I exclaimed, trying to yank my fingers from Trent but finding them caught. Then I colored, realizing what I'd said. Oh… sorry, I stammered, meaning it. That was insensitive. Trent's frown turned into a sly smirk. Bump uglies? he said, eyes on the table behind me. You are a font of gutter slang, Rachel. We must do this again.

You are pathetic, Rache, Jenks said, and my eyes darted to the top of the rack and I saw him standing there, hands on his hips and frowning at me, his wings a silver blur. Rachel and Trent, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. No wait, it was a hospital room, and he had his hands on your ass and you had your tongue down his throat. I can see why you might be confused.

Why? I said, taking the paper from him as Al smiled. If it's not what I agreed to, I will burn Al's gonads off the first chance I get. Turn around. I need to use your back for a second. Ah, hold on a tick, Al said, snapping his fingers again and catching the new paper drifting down. How silly of me. This is the one. Here.

Like the end of a picnic, all the weenies will be roasted.

Bug? You sack of sweat stink. I've got farts that smell sweeter than you. Think you're better than me? Poop ice cream cones, do you? Call me a bug! Rachel, let me do him now.

Ivy's COOK THE STEAK, DON'T STAKE THE COOK apron...

Jenks]I think you're all screwy in the head, he said when Bis nodded his encouragement. But go ahead. I've got Quen's number in my phone. I'll call him if you both explode in a flash of black underwear and money so I won't have to fly all the way home.

I sighed. And what am I to you, Al? My maid, he said brightly. Shall we do this?

I'd never seen a man who could outshop me, but Jenks was a master.

Jenks, you can fly me up the rest of the way to Trent, and then pow! I give Trent his statue. Pow, you'll be naked! Jenks exclaimed. (Rachel and Jenks)

Rache! Glad you're... Tink loves a duck! he said, wings clattering. It stinks of sex in here. God, woman. I leave you alone for one night, and you're humping the ghost. - Jenks to Rachel

Tagged by a whiny little vamp, he said gesturing. Rache, take this sword and stick it in me. Just go and stick it in me. I'm a back-drafted, crumpled-winged, dust-caked, dew-assed excuse of a backup. Worthless as a pixy condom. Taken down by my own partner. Just tape my ass shut and let me fart out my mouth.

Piss on my daisies, we have to save the demons!

I have a name," I grumped, my stomach pinching me harder. "Yes, but it has no pizzazz. Ra-a-a-a-chel. Rach-e-e-e-eel," he said, trying it out in different ways. "No one will tremble in terror at that. Oh my God!" he said in a high falsetto. "It's Rachel! Run! Hide!

I think she suspects something, though. We've had cherry pie for dessert five nights in a row." His voice drawled, and my smile deepened.