Quotes About Humor

No, we're the two old Muppets on the balcony, cracking lame jokes." "Lame-ass jokes," says Mutt. "I like that." "Me too.

No, we're the two old Muppets on the balcony, cracking lame jokes.

I've also been known to cry during MasterCard commercials.

Friends don't bite friends. At least not without lots of Vodka, a Mexican waiter named Santiago and mutual consent.

When the bishop farted we were amused to hear about it. Should the ploughboy find treasure we must be told. But when the ploughboy farts... er... keep it to yourself.

You bloody old towser-faced boot-faced totem-pole on a crap reservation.

The bloody old towser-faced boot-faced totem-pole on a crap reservation, Dixon thought. 'You bloody old towser-faced boot-faced totem-pole on a crap reservation', he said.

sassysnacks!

If God had to go to such lengths to invite people to his birthday party, I reasoned, He probably wasn't serving very good cake.

My friend Eileen once said about Tom 'I'd kick him out of bed - to fuck him on the floor.

When I turned eighteen, she sent Walker a card that joked 'He's finally legal!' Walker was completely horrified, but Mom's sense of humor often depended on someone else's horror.

The sad rocking chair in the corner was actually a joke of a chair: if one started laughing at it, one could die laughing. It was too low for a grown man, and besides, it was so tight, one needed a shoehorn to get back out of it. In short, this room was simply not furnished in a way appropriate to intellectual effort, and I did not intend to keep it any longer.

Yes, he answered, it's a strain being witty at my age. I'm giving it up.

By now both mother and daughter were in a good humor and able to joke, mother sat up in bed and chuckled from time to time; they were temperamentally akin and shared the blessed ability to suppress dark memories.

Please put your penises away, gentlemen. Dinner is procured. By a woman.

Hey Lucia, Pay up, suckah, Emma got dental with some dude.

He's like six hundred years younger than you are. I refuse to be the moral compass of our cell! Most weekends I have an intoxispell bong attached to my mouth like a respirator. I love scatological humor, and I list 'pranks involving nuclear waste' and 'making demons eat things' as my hobbies.

I have an idea. Let's take off our clothes and fool around on the settee. If I trip and fall and land smack-dab on your cock, then it won't be your fault.

Eves, on the scale from wholesome to whoresome, you're practically Amish.

Hey, you've still got your endangered hymen. Which means you'll make it to closing credits - I'm s.o.l.

I'm no expert with females"—the others rolled their eyes at that—"but I believe an attempted decapitation communicates the need for some space.

Matthew, exactly how psychic are you? So psychic that other psychics should be called Mattics.

When a group of young females had asked her what one should name her horse, she'd answered, I like the sound of Fellatio. When Rydstrom had confronted Sabine about it, she'd said, Do you know how priceless it was to hear that demoness sigh, 'I love my Fellatio'? Even gold can't buy moments like that!

Oh my gods, when do you not sport wood? There are bathrooms in the back, so go burp the worm or whatever.--Regin