Quotes About Humor

The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water, but that's about it.

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

My mother-in-law belongs in Hell, but the devil is afraid she'll end up taking over.

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.

We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.

Real religion is the transformation of anxiety into laughter.

We never make sport of religion, politics, race or mothers. A mother never gets hit with a custard pie. Mothers-in-law-yes. But mothers-never.

Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun.

Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.

These people [the Christians] watched the Flintstones as if it were a documentary.

I'm still an atheist, thank God.

People are much too solemn about things - I'm all for sticking pins into episcopal behinds.

Laughter is the real religion. Everything else is just metaphysics.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

There's a built-up tension in religion, and if you can release it, you'll get a huge and satisfying laugh.

I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.

We are not engaged in a complicated joke disguised as a religion. We are engaged in a religion disguised as a complicated joke.

What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?

The Bible looks like it started out as a game of mad libs.

Laughter is the very essence of religion. Seriousness is never religious, cannot be religious. Seriousness is of the ego, part of the very disease. Laughter is egolessness.

No man with a sense of humor ever founded a religion.

I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.