Quotes About Humor

I almost wish I'd had the forethought to eat a tree myself.

I have a new theory about algebra, I said. I'm going to learn it by osmosis.

Laughing is medicine for the soul.

Laughter opens your heart and soothes your soul. No one should ever take life so seriously that they forget to laugh at themselves'.

La risa abre tu corazón y apacigua tu alma. Nadie debería tomarse la vida tan en serio como para olvidar reírse de sí mismo.»

Si no te ríes de ti mismo, ¿de quién te vas a reír?

Life is too short to take things too seriously.

You have this maddening little smile sometimes, like you've just thought of something incredibly witty but are afraid to say it in case no one gets the joke.

They were joking, but it was a serious conversation. They were often like that, Mary and her granny, when they were alone together.

It's gas but, isn't it? How we get suckered in. Some prick in a white coat says if you eat all o' your peas Gina Lollobrigida will sit on your face.

We don't take it too seriously, said Harry. —What? —The golf. —To avoid the disappointment, said Liam.—The same with everything. That's what it's all about now, isn't it? From here on in. Avoiding disappointment.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

A girl phoned me the other day and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.