Quotes About Humor

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Marriage...it's not a word, it's a sentence.

What a doctor I've got—he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then he hit me in the balls with a hammer.

It's hard to explain the fun to be found in seeing the right kind of bad movie.

Gene Siskel used to describe old-age makeup as making young actors look like turtles.

We laugh, that we may not cry.

People trying to be funny are never as funny as people trying to be serious and failing.

The story is recycled out of a 1983 French film named Les Comperes, as part of a trend in which Hollywood buys French comedies and experiments on them to see if they can be made in English with all of the humor taken out.

There is a certain kind of humor that rises below vulgarity. It isn't merely in the worst possible taste; it aspires to be in the worst possible taste.

Indeed, the first thing you might learn, in considering jokes, is that Marcel Duchamp's urinal was one—quite a good one the first time around, corny by mid-twentieth century, and downright stupid today.

What do you call a clairvoyant midget who just broke out of prison? A small medium at large!

While I had often said that I wanted to die in bed, what I really meant was that in my old age I wanted to be stepped on by an elephant while making love.

and while I had often said that I wanted to die in bed, what I really meant was that in my old age I wanted to be stepped on by an elephant while making love.

For a moment, I felt that I saw something of pity and a strong love reflected there-and perhaps a touch of humor.

I spat sand so I would not choke when I laughed. Hell, we make our own what ifs. I had better things to do than what could have happened.

He pivoted on one buttock and broke wind. Dukhi leaned back to allow it free passage, wondering what penalty might adhere to the offence of interfering with the waft of brahminical flatus.

In February 1878, Grant braved rain, wind, and snow to become the first American president to visit Jerusalem. He met with a delegation of American Jews who distributed relief to their suffering brethren in the Holy Land and he promised to carry their message to Jewish leaders at home. As they entered religious sites, Julia was susceptible to powerful emotions, her active imagination a perfect foil for her husband's skeptical, deadpan humor.

Wit not well govern'd rankles into vice / He to his Jest his Friend will sacrifice!

It used to be a great joke, particularly among the girls in Providence, and they used to laugh a good deal about being treated to a soda by John D. Rockefeller, Jr.

Sveinbjörn offered me another kittiwake egg. I shook my head and told him I was on a diet that expressly forbade me to eat more than one raw bird a day.