Quotes About Humor

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up

I don't want a sharp chick who quotes Kerouac; I just want to hear my old lady say, "Get up and fix the toilet, it's still making noise.

Excerpt from Kenneth Brown testimony] Great comics throughout literature have always disguised by comedy, through laughter, through jokes, an underlying theme which is very serious, and perhaps needs laughter because it is also painful...

If God lived on earth," goes a sardonic Yiddish saying, "people would knock out all His windows.

Woody Allen has said, If I wanted to have a weekend of pure pleasure, it would be to have a half-dozen Bob Hope films and watch them, films like Monsieur Beaucaire and My Favorite Brunette. It's not for nothing that he's such a greatly accepted comedian. He is a great, great talent. Despite this praise from a celebrated contemporary funnyman, there is a tendency to take Bob Hope's films for granted.

If your sense of humor was shaped by Looney Tunes, you're set for life.

In the early days all I hoped was to make a living out of what I did best. But, since there's no real market for masturbation I had to fall back on my bass playing abilities.

Wie kann ein Mann ein Ding lieben, das, ihm zum Trotze, auch denken will? Ein Frauenzimmer, das denket, ist ebenso ekel als ein Mann, der sich schminket. Lachen soll es, nichts als lachen, um immerdar den gestrengen Herrn der Schöpfung bei guter Laune zu halten.

Boys don't make passes at female smart asses.

Just relax and breathe through your ass.

Behind me, I heard a young woman of 25 say, If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college. Now, I'm gonna repeat that, because it bears repeating. If it weren't for my horse... as in, giddyup, giddyup, let's go — I wouldn't have spent that year in college, which is a degree-granting institution. Don't think about that too long, or BLOOD will shoot out your NOSE!

If you really think there's a Santa, why don't you sit on the front steps all night in the freezing cold and see if he climbs down any chimneys tonight. Good luck. And since we're a family that isn't lucky enough to have a chimney, how would Santa get into our house? Does he bring a locksmith with him? And it probably would have to be a Jewish locksmith, because a Christian locksmith is going to want to be home with his family. And how many Jewish locksmiths are there? None.

They should have a store next to the bookstore called the shit store where you can get shit books to read while on the shitter. No one reads great literature on the shitter.

In a series of wonderful essays, Evan Handler gives himself up to us - warts and all. To our amusement and bemusement we share in his emotional growth as he struggles to mature. I not only laughed along with him but felt that I too had grown a little along the way. Who could ask for more?

The Mad Hatter: Would you like some wine? Alice: Yes... The Mad Hatter: We haven't any and you're too young.

I mean, what is an un-birthday present? A present given when it isn't your birthday, of course. Alice considered a little. I like birthday presents best, she said at last. You don't know what you're talking about! cried Humpty Dumpty. How many days are there in a year? Three hundred and sixty-five, said Alice. And how many birthdays have you? One.

Speak roughly to your little boy and beat him when he sneezes! he only does it to annoy, because he knows it teases!

Well that was the silliest tea party I ever went to! I am never going back there again!

What a funny watch!' she remarked. 'It tells the day of the month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!' 'Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. 'Does YOUR watch tell you what year it is?' 'Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: 'but that's because it stays the same year for such a long time together.' 'Which is just the case with MINE,' said the Hatter.

Why is a raven like a writing desk? - Mad Hatter I haven't the slightest idea. - Alice

What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning-- and a child's more imporant than a joke, I hope. You couldn't deny that, even if you tried with both hands.

We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad. [...] You must be, or you wouldn't be here.

I said you LOOKED like an egg, Sir. And some eggs are very pretty, you know.