Quotes About Humor

I'll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is - oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate!

If he smiled much more, the ends of his mouth might meet behind, and then I don't know what would happen to his head! I'm afraid it would come off!

Speak English! said the Eaglet. I don't know the meaning of half those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do either! And the Eaglet bend down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds tittered audibly.

I beg your pardon?' Alice said with a puzzled air. 'I'm not offended,' said Humpty Dumpty.

Am I addressing the White Queen?' 'Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing

I'll whisper it, said the Messenger, putting his hands to his mouth in the shape of a trumpet and stooping so as to get close to the King's ear. However, instead of whispering, he simply shouted at the top of his voice They're at it again! Do you call THAT a whisper? cried the poor King, jumping up and shaking himself. If you do such a thing again, I'll have you buttered! It went through and through my head like an earthquake!

absurd, but they all looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she could.

Tis the voice of the Lobster: I heard him declare You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair.

Then the bowsprit got mixed with the rudder sometimes: A thing, as the Bellman remarked, That frequently happens in tropical climes, When a vessel is, so to speak, snarked.

There will be nonsense in it!

This style of literature was called Nonsense and Carroll was universally acknowledged to be its undisputed master.

I didn't know that cats could grin.' 'They all can,' said the Duchess, 'and most of 'em do.

Did you ever ask yourself the question," Lady Muriel began, à propos of nothing, "what is the chief advantage of being a Man instead of a Dog?" "No, indeed," I said: "but I think there are advantages on the Dog's side of the question, as well." "No doubt," she replied, with that pretty mock-gravity that became her so well: "but, on Man's side, the chief advantage seems to me to consist in having pockets!

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.

On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.

Shoot low, boys. They're ridin' Shetland ponies.

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

Humor is our way of defending ourselves from life's absurdities by thinking absurdly about them.

I've had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick.

What took you so long?" Will asked when Evie came panting into the room. He and Jericho had assembled a stack of books, which they were tucking into Will's attaché case. "I walked to Jerusalem for the Bible. I knew you'd want an original," Evie snapped.

Hold up. How do you accidentally have sex with somebody?" Adina scoffed. "Is she all, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't see your penis there'?

My platform's called Don't Even Think About It. I go to schools and I say, 'Whatever bad thing it is you're thinking of doing, don't even think about it. 'Cause I can see into your soul, and I will hide in your closet and come for you in the night, and the last sound you ever hear will be my sharp teeth popping through the flesh of my gums, ready to eat you.' Their eyes get all big. It's awesome. I love little kids, man. They're the cutest

I've spent the last two hours worried that you were bleeding to death in a ditch," Evie continued. "Now that I know you're okay, I just want you to be bleeding to death in a ditch." "Aww, Lamb Chop, you missed me.

Adina gave a little shriek. That fish just swam past my leg! Creepy! Where did it go? To your right! Two o'clock! Get it! You are officially the most bloodthirsty vegetarian ever.