Quotes About Humor

I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn't spell it.

I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

Why that would be like challenging Bing Crosby to a singing contest,wouldn't it

I come from a background of hanging out with friends and shooting videos with them, with funny stuff coming out of the group. I guess we got the same charge jocks get out of sports.

If Kyle Korver blocks your shot there should be a penalty box you should go to!

Deerstalking would be a very fine sport if only the deer had guns.

I'm not dumb enough to be a goalie.

I like comedy as a group sport.

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.

I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.

I had the only beard in the Western Hemisphere that made Bob Dylan's look good.

The Germans only have one player under 22, and he's 23!

They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?

When asked if he was a basketball player he replied No I clean giraffe ears.

I've always joked about Joe Montana not appreciating his Super Bowls nearly as much as I do because he never lost one. We lost three before we got one

We take life too lightly and sport too seriously.

Baseball hasn't forgotten me. I go to a lot of old-timers games and I haven't lost a thing. I sit in the bullpen and let people throw things at me. Just like old times.

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

I've never seen anyone go on the DL with pulled fat.

I don't know how old I am because a goat ate the Bible that had my birth certificate in it. The goat lived to be twenty-seven.

I don't think it's healthy to take yourself too seriously.

I set records that will never be equaled. In fact, I hope 90% of them don't even get printed.