Quotes About Humor

I'm not much for setup... punch line. I talk about my kids. I talk about my wife.

My wife likes me to point out that she puts our daughter down to sleep more often than I do, which gives me time to write stupid books about it.

I do stupid stuff like that: I'll call my wife from the road, send her pictures of glaciers.

I take my dog to the vet a lot because he's old and sick, and I always step on the scale when I'm there. Let's just say shirts that were once button-able are no longer. I'm constantly being roasted by my wife.

My wife thinks she's better than me at puzzles. I haven't given in on that one yet.

I much prefer being told off by Brendan Rodgers than by my wife. Brendan is more careful than my wife with what he says.

My wife says that my tombstone will read, 'Here lies Mr.C, who used to be Mr.B.' So I think that's probably what I'll be remembered for.

I think I have taken more holidays with Boman than I have with my wife.

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

I haven't got a car or a house. I've got a wife, but I didn't pay for her! I spend all my money on my glorious wife. She's here with a knife at my throat!

We decided we don't use the term 'fat' for me. We use the term 'juicy' for me. My wife's fine with it, but the rule is when I'm over double her weight, it's over.

I like Hindi movies. Although my wife thinks the hero and heroine breaking into a song and dance every five minutes is ridiculous, but I find them entertaining.

Sometimes people think I'm wearing a wig when I'm not wearing a wig, and then sometimes they think I'm not wearing a wig when I am wearing a wig.

Whenever I've had a wig fall off, I've just played it off like I meant it to happen. Just keep a good sense of humor about it.

If a wig is funny when it's two feet tall, why not make it three feet tall? Or ten?

I had a Jackson 5 wig that I would wear around, and I would do, like, the dances from the Jackson 5, and, you know, my mother thought that was hysterical. So of course, that seed got planted very early, the physicality of comedy.

I once made a giant six-foot can of Crisco that a person had to dance in and that had an Elvis wig on top.

I make an all right Bowie. Actually, I look more like Cilla Black with that wig.

I slipped at a bus stop; I went one way and my hair went the other. That was the end of my wig.

I laugh about it all the time, but, for whatever reason, a lot of people think that I wear a wig. I get emails and tweets about people commenting on my hair being a wig. It's one of the strangest but most entertaining things I've read about myself online.

Anytime you give a man in a wig a microphone, anything can happen.

The Sun in London ran a front page declaring my bum a national treasure. I really did laugh at that. Its not like it can actually do anything, except wiggle.

When I was 12, my friend and I tried to sneak onto a plane from my hometown of Cleveland to New York City! My dad encouraged us - he was a wild guy, big on jokes.

People who have very devastating lives sometimes have the most wild, avant-garde humor. It's like when you've seen it all and been through it all, nothing is off-limits in a way.