Quotes About Humor

I really have a nice step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

I went to a restaurant the other day called 'Taste of the Raj.' The waiter hit me with a stick and got me to build a complicated railway system.

My mother smokes me out. We'll get these long periods of me thinking I'm too busy to call her up or e-mail her, and she'll send me something. My mom's a real whiner. I love her to death, but she always sends me these 'woe is me' things. I think she might be Jewish. I'm not sure. She's Baptist-Jewish, which is a double whammy.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.

My dentist was married to a manicurist. But it did not work out. They fought tooth and nail !

So your junk food has a shelf life of twenty-two years and will probably outlive your fat, sorry ass.

This is the great thing about Northern Ireland. I walk down the street and people stop me and say things like, 'I know you. You're that wee golfer, aren't you?' I say, 'Yeah, that's me.' They say, 'Keep it up, wee man.' It's very funny and that's why I want to stay here as long as possible.

Ya se sabe que sufrir de mal de amores es como marearse en un barco: a la gente tu estado le parece divertido, pero tú te sientes morir.

Rule Number 6 is 'Don't take yourself so g—damn seriously.'" "Ah," says his visitor, "that is a fine rule." After a moment of pondering, he inquires, "And what, may I ask, are the other rules?" "There aren't any.

Humor can bring us together around our inescapable foibles, confusions, and miscommunications, and especially over the ways in which we find ourselves acting entitled and demanding, or putting other people down, or flying at each other's throats.

Soon she cried and farted herself to sleep.

When overcome with laughter, they lost all dignity, however, and choked, snorted, burped, wheezed, even farted, which made them ever more hysterical.

Eau de Better Than Manure," said Doris. "The farm girl's friend.

James McBride's Deacon King Kong.

Because God has a very dark sense of humor," said Father Damien. He was not referring to the frightening disorganization of Father Jude Miller's new and untested emotions, but to the erratic tumble of ants scurrying to rebuild a nest disarranged by their feet.

He who laughs last laughs the laughiest.

He says we should take it easy and that maybe he overreacted a bit. Dave said, A bit? That's like Hitler saying, 'Oooh, I just meant to go for a little walk, but then I accidentally invaded Poland.

If you fall down those stairs and break both of your legs, don't come running to me!

Rosie get off your desk, and please put your beard away.

I wanted to kill her and make her eat her fringe. And her knickers.

Oh no. I've just accidently paid a visit to the cakeshop of love. I haven't put back my Italian cakey, but I have accidentally picked up a Dave the Tart.

Non...I am DANCING IN MY NUDDY-PANTS!!!' And we both laughed like loons on loon tablets. I danced for ages round the house in my nuddy-pants. Also, I did this brilliant thing-I danced in the front window just for a second whilst Mr. Across the Road was drawing his curtains. He will never be sure if he saw a mirage or not. That is the kind of person I am. Not really the kind of person who goes and raises elks in Whakatane.

What in the name of Hitler's panties and matching bra set was she talking about?