Quotes About Humor

Of all the things to worry about; the Wookie has no pants.

When faced with something I fear, I tend to eat spaghetti.

They danced on the shore in marvelous, civilized, humorous reels in which the old contributed wit when they could not contribute grace, and the young listened to their elders, who told them in their dancing to hold on, to love, to be patient, and most of all, to trust.

Alessandro sat up straight. How is it you think babies are born? Something the mother and father do before sex, some sort of cloth or herb or hard-boiled egg that the father puts in the mother or something, with a rubber bulb and a glass dish. No, Alessandro said. That's not quite it. No? No. You just have to have sex—if you're married, fifty times; if you're not married, once. You're kidding!

A Being who's higher than we are?! LOL!

If Joan Rivers had gone to the electric chair instead of Ethel Rosenberg, this is the book she would have written.

Maybe you don't really appreciate your father until he has huge tits.

So, Strand looked at me, and he said, 'You should write about all this someday.' And I said, 'You mean about all the terrible privations and wrenching traumas from my childhood?' And he said, 'Yes, it would be hilarious!' And I said, 'You mean...nonfiction?

In alcohol's defence, I've done some idiotic shit sober.

It's crazy and it's funny. It's an outrageous comment, an outrageous claim.

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR per G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE

And we the people are so vulnerable. Our bodies are shot with mortality. Our legs are fear and our arms are time. These chill humors seep through our capillaries, weighting each cell with an icy dab of nonbeing, and that dab grows and swells and sucks the cell dry. That is why physical courage is so important—it fills, as it were, the holes—and why it is so invigorating. The least brave act, chance taken and passage won, makes you feel loud as a child.

It is the best joke there is, that we are here, and fools—that we are sown into time like so much corn, that we are souls sprinkled at random like salt into time and dissolved here, spread into matter, connected by cells right down to our feet, and those feet likely to fell us over a tree root or jam us on a stone. The joke part is that we forget it. Give the mind two seconds alone and it thinks it's Pythagoras. We wake up a hundred times a day and laugh.

Pain cannot be kept intact, it needs to be "processed," converted into humor.

Humildad tiene que ver también con «humor». El humilde tiene humor. Se puede reír de sí mismo. Toma distancia de sí. Puede mirarse tranquilo a sí mismo porque se permite ser como es: un ser humano de la tierra y un ser humano del cielo, una persona con faltas y debilidades y, al mismo tiempo, digna de amor y valiosa.

if you look someone in the eye and call them a 'fat, worthless, syphilitic puddle of badger crap' it doesn't mean you don't like them. It can be – and often is – a term of endearment.

And now to sleep, to dream...perchance to fart.

Just because someone you work with is a miserable, treacherous, self-serving, capricious and corrupt asshole shouldn't prevent you from enjoying their company, working with them or finding them entertaining.

I have since found that almost everybody in the meat business is funny —just as almost everyone in the fish business is not.

Sally farted in his sleep, they could hear.

casual comments I may or may not have made, in which I may have suggested she was the "hellspawn of Betty Crocker and Charles Manson.