Quotes About Humor

What a notion, to place a clown like Diogenes in so lofty a niche!

Oh, and I certainly don't suffer from schizophrenia. I quite enjoy it. And so do I.

It's laughter that lubricates our irritations, that releases our tensions, that feeds our joy… it's the laughter that helps keep things warm and joyful even in the midst of pain.

I am married to a man who calls a phone charger 'the pluggy-in thing', and the remote control 'the buttony thing for the telly'.

With Ricky Gervais, it's all shades of wrong, it's my kind of humor.

My whole family is very sarcastic and constantly making jokes.

If anybody could have any doubt about the liveliness of Shakespeare, let them consider the character of Falstaff. When a man has created that without a capacity for laughter, then a blind man may succeed in describing colors. Intense animal spirits are the single sentiment (if they be a sentiment) of the entire character. If most men were to save up all the gaiety of their whole lives, it would come about to the gaiety of one speech in Falstaff.

When Mama starts to move across a room, people pay attention. You can never be sure she's not going to grab you by the top of the head to steady herself. And she's pretty free with that walking stick, too.

The best joke of all is to give someone just what they've wanted.

Advice is sometimes transmitted more successfully through a joke than grave teaching.

We must laugh no more at the government, my friends, since it has found the means of raising fifteen hundred millions in taxes. Clergymen, bishops, monks, and nuns are not yet rich enough to allow of their drinking at home among themselves; but only let St. Michael, who drove the Devil out of heaven, appear, and we shall perhaps see the good old times come back again!

What an admirable maneuver it would be to make a wife dance, and to feed her on vegetables!

One time my mom tried to ground me, but that lasted 15 minutes.

I felt how important the simplest things were, like feeling proud, finding something funny, stretching yourself, retreating into yourself.

in this society, things you'd think could only be bad jokes actually happen all the time.

I laughed. "Could it be that you're satisfying hunger and lust at the same time?" "No way, no way, no way!" he said, laughing. "It must be because we're family.

Please do not steal my kitchen stove. If you need a stove steal something else like the telephone book or that empty bottle of Woostershire Sauce standing on the parlor mantelpiece with the daisy in it, and sell them to buy a new stove with the money. I've had that stove for ten years and it has only just learned how to cook and it would be very annoying to me to have to get a new one and have to teach it how I like my potatoes done.

There's no way you're going to get a quote from us to use on your book cover.

Try giving a full body wax to an overweight eighty-five-year-old man with more wrinkles than a shar-pei. Now that's a workout.

I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up.

It was the dumbest thing I had ever seen, but it's a family thing, and I guess it's clean.

The best saints swear fluently.

It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather…I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or dehumanized.

What was it they said about the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of crap being the bucket?