Quotes About Humor

The joy in telling a story is in the magic of spinning the tale, not in the number of exaggerations you can create." "So you say. And who's to say I was exaggerating?" "I do." "That's because you're six-foot-plus and more brawn than--" "More brawn than what?" "Than a five-foot-tall woman of undisclosed weight." "Now there's another difference in how I'd tell the story. I'd use the word insufficient to describe your weight.

Behind every successful woman are several confused men who give her something to make fun of.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck chlamydia?

Funny how life messed with you.

Biological clock? I don't even own a watch.

Yup, believe it: I was born on March 28, yet my name is April.

Was you born this fucking dumb, Milly-Fox, or do you practice every Dixieme?

It's a strange fucking world, and mostly the joke's on us.

I don't want to marry you. I just want you to give me an orgasm." "Just the one? You have low expectations.

I thought you were trying to prove to the board you're responsible?' 'I'll use a condom. Does that count?

Sex was a reasonable alternative to burning fossil fuels. Maybe she should teach it in class. Hey, kids, there is solar energy, geothermal energy, wind energy and sex. Ask your parents about that one.

She shifted closer to him and felt something hard dig into her hip. "Is that your phone?" "No, it's my giant penis and the reason you married me.

I'm the buttercream frosting on the stale cake that is life.

Eva se dejó caer en la silla. –Ahora voy a tener que darte mi pañuelo nuevo y puede que, ya de paso, necesite un sistema nervioso nuevo. No estoy hecha para tanto drama. –¿Estás de coña? –Frankie se levantó y empezó a recoger la mesa–. Tú inventaste el drama. Podrías casarte con el drama, tener hijos con él, que por cierto se llamarían Crisis y Pánico, y viviríais felices para siempre.

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.

That's because he had such an enormous load of genitalia - you'd think that the rest of the body was nothing but a handle on that piece of equipment.

A good joke cleans your insides out. If I don't laugh for a week, I feel dirty. I feel dirty now, like my insides are rotting.

I think maybe heaven is a sea of untranslatable jokes. Only everyone is laughing.

If more women knew more jokes, there would be more justice in the world.

Put the bad poetry in the mouths of outlandish characters. It might make bad poetry funny instead of sad.

My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!

I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion.

Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist.

Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts.