Quotes About Humor

Q: Why did God make farts smell? A: So deaf people could enjoy them, too.

Q: What's the speed limit of sex? A: Sixty-eight. Because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: What's the square root of 69? A: Ate something.

Q: What do a Rubik's Cube and a penis have in common? A: The more you play with them, the harder they get.

Q: What do you call a bunny with a crooked penis? A: Fucks funny.

Q: Why do midgets laugh when they run? A: Because the grass tickles their balls.

Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? A: Snowballs.

Q: What's the biggest problem working in a paperless office? A: Needing to shit.

Q: What do you get when an epileptic falls into a lettuce patch? A: Seizure salad.

Q: Why are there only 238 beans in Irish chili? A: Because just two more makes it two-farty.

Q: What do you call an epileptic holding a glass of milk? A: Milkshake.

Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? A: Polaroids.

Q: What kind of bees give you milk? A: Boobees.

Q: What do you call an epileptic in a wheelchair? A: A transformer.

Q: What's the definition of surprise? A: A fart with a lump in it.

Q: What's the definition of bravery? A: A man with diarrhea, chancing a fart.

Q: What do you call an epileptic cow? A: Beef jerky.

Q: Why do Jewish men watch porn films backward? A: They love the bit where the prostitute gives back the money.

Q: Why don't they have any toilet paper in KFC? A: Because it's finger-licking good!

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts.

Q: What's a Jewish woman's idea of natural childbirth? A: No makeup, whatsoever.

Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? A: One less drunk.

A man walks into a bar and sees a pretty girl sitting alone at the bar. "Hi, what's your name?" he asks. "Carmen," she says. "I had my name changed from Stephanie to Carmen because I love cars and I love men. What's your name?" He thinks for a second and says, "Beersex.

A slightly tipsy mathematician got home at 3 a.m. His wife was upset and yelled, "You're late! You said you'd be home by 11:45." The mathematician replied, "No, I am precisely on time. I said I'd be home by a quarter of twelve.