Quotes About Humor

I come in peace...Take me to your lizard.

Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of the planet Earth and had made attempts to alert mankind to the danger; but most of their communications were misinterpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for titbits, so they eventually gave up and left the Earth by their own means shortly before the Vogons arrived.

You have a time machine and you use it for... watching television? Well, I wouldn't use it at all if I could get the hang of the video recorder.

When you're cruising down the road in the fast lane and you lazily sail past a few hard-driving cars and are feeling pretty pleased with yourself and then accidently change down from fourth to first instead of third thus making your engine leap out of your hood in a rather ugly mess, it tends to throw you off stride in much the same way that this remark threw Ford Prefect off his.

He would have felt safe if alongside the Dentrassis' underwear, the piles of Sqornshellous mattresses and the man from Betelgeuse holding up a small yellow fish and offering to put it in his ear he had been able to see just a small packet of cornflakes. But he couldn't, and he didn't feel safe.

And to this end they built themselves a stupendous super-computer which was so amazingly intelligent that even before its data banks had been connected up it had started from I think therefore I am and got as far as deducing the existence of rice pudding and income tax before anyone managed to turn it off.

Arthur lolled.

They were a double pair of Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses, which had been specifically designed to help people develop a relaxed attitude to danger. At the first hint of trouble they turn totally black and thus prevent you from seeing anything that might alarm you.

There was an accident with a contraceptive and a time machine. Now concentrate!

It's reassuring to realize that everybody is as stupid as you are and that all we are doing when we are standing in the kitchen wondering what we came in here for is woking.

I think he probably wants you to play Scrabble with him again,' said Ford, 'he's pointing to the letters.' 'Probably spelt crzjgrdwldiwdc again, I keep on telling him there's only one g in crzjgrdwldiwdc.

I asked him if he'd come to clean the windows and he said no he'd come to demolish the house. He didn't tell me straight away of course. Oh no. First he wiped a couple of windows and charged me a fiver. Then he told me.

And the most interesting natural structure? A giant, two-thousand-mile-long fish in orbit around Jupiter, according to a reliable report in the Weekly World News. The photograph was very convincing, and I'm only surprised that more-reputable journals like New Scientist, or even just The Sun, haven't followed up with more details. We should be told.

All right, said Ford. How would you react if I said that I'm not from Guildford at all, but from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse? Arthur shrugged in a so-so sort of way. I don't know, he said, taking a pull of beer. Why, do you think it's the sort of thing you're likely to say? Ford gave up. It really wasn't worth bothering at the moment, what with the world being about to end.

He didn't know why he had become president of the galaxy, except that it seemed a fun thing to be.

There is an art, it says, or, rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

On the wall was a Duran Duran poster on which someone had scrawled in fat red felt tip, Take this down please. Beneath that another hand had scrawled, No. Beneath that again the first hand had written, I insist that you take it down. Beneath that the second hand had written, Won't! Beneath that - You're fired. Beneath that - Good! And there the matter appeared to have rested.

Several billion trillion tons of superhot exploding hydrogen nuclei rose slowly above the horizon and managed to look small, cold and slightly damp.

Marvin started his ironical humming again. Zaphod hit him and he shut up.

He was clearly a man of many qualities, even if they were mostly bad ones.

Like, for instance, standing in the kitchen wondering what you went in there for. Everybody does it, but because there isn't—or wasn't—a word for it, everyone thinks it's something that only they do and that they are therefore more stupid than other people. It is reassuring to realize that everybody is as stupid as you are and that all we are doing when we are standing in the kitchen wondering what we came in here for is "woking.

Earth: mostly harmless

Charming man, he said. I wish I had a daughter so I could forbid her to marry one...

Because Ford never learned to say his original name, his father eventually died of shame, which is still a terminal disease in some parts of the Galaxy.