Quotes About Humor

During a recitation by their Poet Master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal hemorrhaging, and the President of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off.

Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.

So the hours are pretty good then?" he resumed. The Vogon stared down at him as sluggish thoughts moiled around in the murky depths. "Yeah," he said, "but now you come to mention it, most of the actual minutes are pretty lousy.

You can't throw us into space," yelled Ford, "we're trying to write a book." "Resistance is useless!" shouted the Vogon guard back at him. It was the first phrase he'd learned when he joined the Vogon Guard Corps.

Yeah, I'm sure that's him, he would add when shown a picture of Gordon Way. I only wasn't sure at first because in the picture he's got his mouth closed.

He giggled and sniggered. He would have laughed out loud but he didn't have the room.

But that's not the point! raged Ford The point is that I am now a perfectly safe penguin, and my colleague here is rapidly running out of limbs!

Flying is learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

The reason why it was published in the form of a micro sub-meson electronic component is that if it were printed in normal book form, an interstellar hitchhiker would require several inconveniently large buildings to carry it around

Trin Tragula—for that was his name—was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher or as his wife would have it, an idiot.

If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it's vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.

I don't believe there's a horse in your bathroom.

The whole Poghril tribe had died out from famine except for one last man who died of cholesterol poisoning some weeks later.

I suppose you'll want to see the aliens now," he said. "Do you want me to sit in a corner and rust, or just fall apart where I'm standing?

I said 'dear lady,' explained Ford Prefect, because I didn't want her to be offended by my implication that she was an ignorant cretin-

Sorry, can I interrupt you a moment, Peter, and say that the sofa has just vanished.' 'So it has. Well, that's one mystery less.

We have a saying up here. 'Life is wasted on the living.

Well, no, not married as such, but yes, there is a specific girl that I'm not married to.

The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick your finger down his throat.

Now, said Benjy mouse, to business. Ford and Zaphod clinked their glasses together. To business! they said. I beg your pardon? said Benjy. Ford looked round. Sorry, I thought you were proposing a toast, he said.

Never throw the letter Q into a privet bush.

Perhaps I would like a glass of whisky. Yes, that seems more likely.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy says that if you hold a lungful of air you can survive in the total vacuum of space for about thirty seconds. However, it does go on to say that what with space being the mindboggling size it is the chances of getting picked up by another ship within those thirty seconds are two to the power of two hundred and seventy-six thousand seven hundred and nine to one against.

Oh, er, well the hatchway in front of us will open in a few moments and we will shoot out into deep space I expect and asphyxiate. If you take a lungful of air with you you can last for up to thirty seconds, of course.