Quotes About Humor

What's that, forgone conclusion then you reckon, sir?' said the barman. 'Arsenal without a chance?' 'No, no,' said Ford, 'it's just that the world's about to end.

Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.

Several billion trillion tons of superhot exploding hydrogen nuclei rose slowly above the horizon and managed to look small, cold and slightly damp. There

My name," he said, "is Slartibartfast." Arthur

A bit like a preying mantis that doesn't prey—a non-preying mantis if you like.

The Nutri-Matic Drinks Synthesizer claimed to produce the widest possible range of drinks personally matched to the tastes and metabolism of whoever cared to use it. When put to test, however, it invariably produced a plastic cup filled with a liquid which was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.

I love deadlines," he has said. "I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by." ? Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt

If I were not an atheist, I think I would have to be a Catholic because if it wasn't the forces of natural selection that designed fish, it must have been an Italian. I

He smiled the smile that Zaphod had wanted to hit and this time Zaphod hit it.

Now—either you all give yourselves up now and let us beat you up a bit, though not very much of course because we are firmly opposed to needless violence, or we blow up this entire planet and possibly one or two others we noticed on our way out here!

Out," he said. People who can supply that amount of firepower don't need to supply verbs as well. Ford and Arthur went out, closely followed by the wrong end of the Kill-O-Zap gun and the buttons. Turning

When the girl sitting at the next table looked away for a moment, Dirk leaned over and took her coffee. He knew that he was perfectly safe doing this because she would simply not be able to believe that this had happened.

But how are you, metalman?' said Ford. 'Very depressed.' 'What's up?' 'I don't know,' said Marvin, 'I've never been there.' 'Why,' said Ford squatting down beside him and shivering, 'are you lying face down in the dust?' 'It's a very effective way of being wretched,' said Marvin. 'Don't pretend you want to talk to me, I know you hate me.

He was rather disappointed to discover her name was Fenny. It was a rather silly, dispiriting name, such as an unlovely maiden aunt might vote herself if she couldn't sustain the name Fenella properly.

Don't blame you," said Marvin and counted five hundred and ninety-seven billion sheep before falling asleep again a second later.

I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied.

Now. Having saved the entire human race from extinction I could do with a pizza. What say you to such a proposal?

Ich kriege schon Kopfschmerzen, wenn ich bloß versuche mich auf euer Niveau runterzudenken.

Yes," called out the sort of people who call out "yes" when comedians ask them if they're having a wonderful time.

For instance, he would often gate-crash university parties, get badly drunk and start making fun of any astrophysicists he could find till he got thrown out.

One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious...If humans don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favor of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.

First, it is slightly cheaper; and second, it has the words DON'T PANIC inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover.

managed to break my nose on my own knee, which, although it was clearly an extraordinary achievement, had the same effect on me that those geological upheavals had on whole civilizations in Rider Haggard novels—it effectively sealed me off from the outside world forever. Various