Quotes About Humor

So what I do now is to pre-empt that by making the up into a virtue, and telling funny stories about how crap I am before people have a chance to notice it for themselves and think maybe I haven't realised.

I'd love to do comedy. And I think I have a pretty good sense of comic thing, so I'd really like to try that.

This predilection of bright women to twist themselves into bizarre submissive postures from which only humor can release them is something die-hard feminists will never address. But Iris and I were in agreement: there is nothing that warms a smart girl's heart like the smile on the face of a sadist.

You have been menaced by giant spiders, nearly smothered in a swamp, and now half drowned and frozen, and you are embarrassed about taking your clothes off in front of me! Does that not seem ridiculous?

You have to laugh at yourself because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't.

A lot of truth is said in jest.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

If I was made of cake I'd eat myself before somebody else could.

You know you're an Arizona native when you think Taco Bell is the local phone company.

It's funny, having the same name as someone. Me, Emma Watson and Emma Stone, the amount of times I've been called Emma Watson or Emma Stone is so funny. It's just 'cause we're all named Emma. None of us look alike.

I don't really have a type of guy I like. It's just like nice guys, cute boys I mean, ones that are funny.

I was brought up by very witty people who were dealing with quite difficult things: disease and death... I was brought up by people who tended to giggle at funerals.

We've got people looking at our seamy side and our sad side a lot of the time because that's easier. It's much more difficult to make a film about happiness with lots of jokes in it.

Kissing Hugh was lovely. Glad I invented it. Can't rely on Austen for a snog, that's for sure.

We've hired the calmest babies in the world to play the hysterical Thomas. One did finally start to cry but stopped every time Chris [Newman (assistant director)] yelled 'Action'. ... Babies smiled all afternoon. Buddhist babies. They didn't cry once. We, however, were all in tears by 5 p.m.

Le malheur émousse le sens du ridicule

Si toutes les filles étaient nymphomanes, disait-il, la vie sur terre serait plus drôle.

I appreciate humor so much, but I'm actually not a funny girl.

Incongruity, they say, is one of the main ingredients of humor. Maybe it's because everybody can feel superior to me. I honestly don't know.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

The highway cop said, "Walk a straight line." I said, "Well, Officer Pythagoras, the closest you could ever come to achieving a straight line would be making an electroencephalogram of your own brain waves." He said, "You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Do you wish to retain that right?" I thought, "Oooh, a paradox!"

I got into a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into corners very well."

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge $5 for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.