Quotes About Humor

I had dinner with my father last night, and made a classic Freudian slip. I meant to say, "Please pass the salt," but it came out, "You prick, you ruined my childhood.

Wide-cut slacks gave her a sunken appearance from behind, calling to mind an old remark of Moffett's. Legs for days but ass for the next five minutes.

A man with a sense of humor. Women claim that's important. It is if there's also money and a functional penis. Enough money, eliminate the penis.

Sometimes it was funny - the passion he put into each new phase.

What was so funny before?" I asked. "When…? Oh," she said. "The look on your face." "My face?" "Like you showed up to prom and your best friend had on the same dress." "Is that it." "Pretty much." "Marcia Marcia Marcia.

That gun of yours tickles me where I don't like to be tickled," she said.

Listen Charles, if blondes were poison, I'd have died thirty years ago.

Someday I'd change my name to Shut Up and save everybody a lot of time.

Okay," I said slowly, "but what the hell would you mate a horse with to get a unicorn, because I don't see horses and narwhales doing the dirty boogie.

He could laugh, though, and there was no bluesman who ever lived who didn't know how to laugh at the craziness of life.

There are also several notes in your file suggesting that you are a world-class smartass." "Really? You mean I made it through the nationals?" "And you apparently think you're hilarious." "You're saying I'm not?

Maybe you should go make that call again. Ask very specifically how much of who's ass needs to be kissed here. I'm pretty sure it's my hairy butt that's gonna be getting all the love.

if you don't shut your mouth and work with us, then by the Lord Jesus, when we roll out of here in those buses I will personally tie you to the front grill, cover you with A1 sauce, and use you for bait. Look me in the eye and ask me if I'm joking.

Jesus H. Christ in a clown car.

You always this depressing or is it that crap you poured in your coffee? - Benny Imura to Rob Sacchetto

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch. Orson Welles

I'm not a Jew. I'm Jew-ish. I don't go the whole hog.

I'm not really a Jew; just Jew-ish, not the whole hog.

with his shorts dragged down and his jacket rucked up, he was showing more crack than an inner-city coke dealer.

According to the schedule, the entire block from 8:00 to 8:30 has been labeled BRUSH YOUR TEETH. Earl laughs again and walks over to the bathroom. [...] 'Who needs half an hour to brush their teeth?'

A remarkable number of the Patrick legends are comic, portraying the saint as a man you would enjoy being around. Consider, by contrast, Patrick's contemporary, Saint Augustine, with his towering intellect and moral and theological precision. You can't help respecting the man, but you wouldn't necessarily want him at your Christmas party.

I'm not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I'll be funny in real life. It's the inevitable disappointment of meeting me.

Even people that I agree with can do something that would be a target for a bit of humor.

We communicated with pithy, rather monosyllabic thoughts: viz. Run, Jump, Where? Left, Up, Duck, ect. (This latter was an observation I made on the edge of a lake. Nathaniel unfortunately took it as a command, which resulted in our temporary immersion.) We didn't ever quite say Ug, but it was a close-run thing.