Quotes About Humor

So I killed a hobo today.....hahahaha! Ah, we have fun.

Sheesh," thought Amy, "my dear fiancé sure is a grouch-monster when he doesn't get his way Ã¢â'¬Â¦Ã¢â'¬Â That is an actual quote. The whole book made me want to punch Amy right in her stupid, spotless vagina.)

What a generous thing that is, I realize, for a husband to try to make his wife laugh.

Se me ha ocurrido regalarle a Nick un bonito par de esposas, pero puede que todavía no le parezca divertido.

If I had a dick, I would fuck this peanut butter," deliberately spraying cracker bits toward me. "I think if you had a dick, all sorts of bad things would happen.

He teased things out in me that I didn't know existed: a lightness, a humor, an ease. It was as if he hollowed me out and filled me with feathers.

What an idiot. I love it.

Save Gas, Fart in a Jar.

Either way felt weird. Either way would lead to jokes. Trey was the kind of guy that would look for something just slightly but truly wrong about you that you didn't even notice and point it out to the whole room.

Go didn't like grilled cheese; she was scooping peanut butter out of the jar onto saltines. When a commercial break came on, she paused and said, 'If I had a dick, I would fuck this peanut butter.' deliberately spraying cracker bits toward me. 'I think if you had a dick, all sorts of bad things would happen.

We named the bar The Bar. "People will think we're ironic instead of creatively bankrupt," my sister reasoned.

There was a barn nearby but no sign of a house, and the cows were too dumb to walk back into the barn, so they stood like a bunch of fat assholes, blowing steam from their nostrils.

I blamed the whole mess on Charles Dickens.

Men fake sleep the way women fake orgasms: to be left alone already.

We all enter this world crying. Laughter is something we have to learn

He surveyed his audience with that look of sublime solemnity only a drunk can muster.

None of us are going to get out of this alive so we might as well grab a laugh while we can.

These boys both fell out of the ugly tree at a young age, hitting every damned branch on the way down. Then their mommas whupped them with an ugly stick and fed them ugly soup every day of their lives. They were Uh-glee, with a couple of capital double-ugs.

Nací para poeta o para muerto, escogí lo difícil —supervivo de todos los naufragios—, y sigo con mis versos, vivita y coleando. Nací para puta o payaso, escogí lo difícil —hacer reír a los clientes desahuciados—, y sigo con mis trucos, sacando una paloma del refajo. Nací para nada o soldado, y escogí lo difícil —no ser apenas nada en el tablado—, y sigo entre fusiles y pistolas sin mancharme las manos.

If you don't make it home, I'm marrying the butcher. Love Nadine

Laughter is a rescue. p.204

Come on, who saw what happened? I did, I volenteered. Well? Buttwipe wanted to know what jerkface was looking at. I turned turned eyes on the bloody and dirt-smeared brawlers. You were barely 3-inches apart. Couldn't you see that you were both looking at each other? The teacher's face reddened. Who do you think you are? Jerry Seinfeld? You must be confused with another student, I told him. My name is Capricorn Anderson.

Your pants didn't get smaller, Mommy, I assured her. Your butt got bigger.

We're all proud of you, Donnie. Your mother and me, Katie—" "Right," I snorted. "She said I'm dumber than her bladder-challenged dog.