Quotes About Humor

The thinking man often rebuked his girlfriend because of her extravagance. Once he discovered four pairs of shoes in her room. "I also have four different kinds of feet," she excused herself. The thinking man laughed and asked: "So what do you do, when one pair is worn out?" At that, she realized he was not yet quite in the picture and said, "I made a mistake, I have five different kinds of feet." With that the thinking man was finally in the picture.

He says he'd like to kiss the ground you walk on-reminds me, did you wash them yesterday?- and after that you're his skivvy.

Humorlose Leute sind lächerlich.

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

Anyway, zis is Austria. Now somesing else funny! Ze Austrians do not call it 'Austria.' Zey call it O-s-t-e-r-r-e-i-c-h!" and the professor wrote the letters out on the blackboard. "Zat is because zey do not know how to spell. Zey are very nice people, se Austrians, but you will notice zey are very bad spellers.

Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men although he was twice married, it never occured to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths.

My size has helped make me an amazing performer too. The cliche of the Funny Fat Friend: I absolutely was that character - I am that character... It's a complicated bag of tools I acquired, and I've put them all to work onstage.

Hun gjorde en latterlig, feiende sorti, som om hun var på audition for en nyinnspilling av Tatt av vinden.

I'm going to do what any self-respecting English major would do: pull something out of my ass.

Good humor and laughter are far too wonderful not to come straight from the heart of God.

I shoved my feet under the sheets and against her thigh until she fell off the bed onto the floor. That was another thing she had taught me: that when you love someone, you must jokingly mistreat them, just a little. It makes it easier when you leave them, or they die.

How many Jewish grandmothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You shouldn't worry . . . I'll sit in the dark.

I've always, always wanted to give birth. To kittens. I figure it would hurt less, and when you're done, you'd have kittens!

Sex is God's joke on human beings.

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

I don't take the movies seriously, and anyone who does is in for a headache.

I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage, and guarantee he'd be dead within the year.

I'd like ta kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

It seems to me that a man who is incapable of humor is capable of cruelty.

My poo is just a part of life, but for some reason, it makes children giggle. And it sometimes makes grown-ups nervous. I don't know why, because I keep my poo FAR-FAR-FAR away from my food

To the dock!" Kirk replied with a big laugh. "Get it? To the doc!

no jokes about my poo.

That plant needs a diaper,