Quotes About Humor

My purist comedy friends accuse me of being a Jack of all trades and master of none.

I was an athlete growing up and I miss that. I miss hanging out with dudes and making raunchy jokes and telling stories, trading details, you know? There's something I really miss about that.

I love 'Trading Places,' but 'Coming to America' has one of the things I like to do - I like the multiple characters.

This medal (the National Book Award) together with my American Express card, will identify me worldwide ... except at Bloomingdale's.

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.

In some hotels they give you a little sewing kit. You know what I do? I sew the towels together. One time I sewed a button on a lampshade. I like to leave a mark.

My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.

The way my team are doing, we could get Wilt Chamberlain in a trade and find out that he's really two midgets Scotch-taped together.

Do you think your mother and I should have lived comfortably so long together, if ever we had been married? Baggage!

Humor is a good way in general to get people together, I think. Of course, Danish humor is more ironic and sarcastic altogether.

When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together.

Ghetto humor is the social twin of fantasy; together they sustain the powerless, who accomplish miracles through illusion.

My sense of humor tends toward both the dark and the absurd - two great tastes that, in my opinion, taste great together.

Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do?

They never let Rider [Strong] and I do scenes together because we would look at each other and start laughing.

I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.

I know a lot of people think of me and they like, oh that girl is really sexy, that girl is really put together, she would never do something as unladylike as a beet eating competition.

If I had a Boy Scout I could make a fire by rubbing his hind legs together.

If her rump were any stiffer, she'd break it every time she rides', I thought to Pounce. 'If she fell on the steps, they would never be able to put her together again', he replied.

I don't think a married couple can go through life without laughs together any more than they can without tears.

Akshay's idea of a romantic date is a six-kilometre jog, followed by 500 crunches... together! Eeeeks!

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

August in Kansas City is hotter than two rats f**king in a sock.