Quotes About Humor

If black boxes survive air crashes - why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

The only interesting thing that can happen in a Swiss bedroom is suffocation by feather mattress.

Well, I'm having a good time. Which makes me feel guilty too. How very English.

Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

It is the middle of December now, and we are about to travel to Switzerland - where we plan to ski a little, relax a little, and shoot a Dutch politician a little.

Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.

HELL: A place where the police are German, the motorists French and the cooks English.

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.

It takes some skill to spoil a breakfast - even the English can't do it.

Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash.

When a New Yorker looks like he has a suntan, it's probably rust.

Time travel is only a little less confusing than wives.

I don't think a man who is fifteen years younger than me should tell me he is proud of me unless he is my sober coach or my time-travel dad.

I suspect that LaGuardia is an elaborate prank, and New York has a real airport nearby that only locals know about.

How would Trump travel as president? Obviously, he'd use Hair Force One.

Cold! If the thermometer had been an inch longer we'd all have frozen to death.

I'd heard street food was a big thing here in Mexico but I didn't think it meant the creatures that lived on the street.

My wife loves Europe but to me it's a bad day at a theme park.

My wife tells me she doesn't care what I do when I'm away as long as I'm not enjoying it.

On cable TV they have a weather channel - twenty-four hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window.

I hate Billings Montana. They have a fashion show at Sears Roebuck - no models. You open a catalog and point.

L.A. bumper sticker: Keep honking - I'm reloading.

Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger.