Quotes About Humor

I lived in Miami for a while in a section with a lot of really old people. The average age in my apartment house was dead.

I have just returned from Boston it is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.

Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.

I once saw a pin on a Delta Airlines employee and I asked him what the letters in Delta stand for. He said "Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive."

When I first came to this country I didn't have a nickel in my pocket - now I have a nickel in my pocket.

Chicago was started by a bunch of New Yorkers who said "Gee I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty but it just isn't cold enough."

How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? The plum tree in the garden!

My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree.

Sometimes @BrookeShields rolls into your party dressed as a Christmas tree, carrying a bucket of KFC. pic.twitter.com/DTtZkZY4cB

Tax reform means, "Don't tax you, don't tax me. Tax that fellow behind the tree."

Save a tree, eat a beaver.

Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.

Money doesn't grow on trees but it does hang out in lakes

Thalia blushed. "Hi, Lord Apollo." Zeus's girl, yes? Makes you my half sister. Used to be a tree, didn't you? Glad you're back. I hate it when pretty girls turn into trees. Man, I remember one time—

I suppose I would still prefer to sit under a tree with a picnic basket rather than under a gas pump, but signs and comic strips are interesting as subject matter.

MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.

If your cat falls out of a tree, go indoors to laugh.

If he had another hair on his back, he'd be up a tree.

In golf I am one under; one under a tree, one under a rock, and one under a bush.

I almost wish I'd had the forethought to eat a tree myself.

Put an egg in your shoe and beat it, make like a tree and leave, imitate an amoeba and split.

What do you say to a guy that says a tree's sexy.

I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.

A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.