Quotes About Communication

After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."

After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why isn't the word "phonetically" spelled with an "f"?

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

"No comment" is a comment.

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.

When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'

The plural of spouse is spice.

Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

Most men don't seem to get that telling a pissed-off woman to calm down is like throwing gunpowder on a fire." ~ Liberty Jones

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Most rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read.

Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you're one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves?

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.