Quotes About Communication

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

It was nice that you guys have such a good sense of humor, because some people don't have the ability to laugh at something.

A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.'

Helloooo? I just made some changes in my life, and if I don't get back to you as soon as possible, then guess what? You were one of those changes.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

The tongue is the only instrument that gets sharper with use.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.

I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like "shut up, shut up, shut upblah blah blah blah blaaaaah.

I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, "this is not a library!" "OK! I will talk louder, then!"

Will the highways on the Internet become more few?

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number. It started with 555.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to

Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives. The English reading public explains the reason why.

English is my second language. Laughter is my first.

Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.

The really important things are said over cocktails and are never done.

I've never said flange to a monkey!

I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.

He knows so little and knows it so fluently.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.