Quotes About Communication

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

At the top of the list of what makes a successful marriage, is a sense of humor.

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

Not all tongues that wag cohabit with a brain.

I need a woman to have a quirky sense of humor. There's a bunch of jokes I use, and if she doesn't get them, she's probably not for me.

Humor is a terrific tool for explaining things, especially when what you're explaining is frightening or dull and complicated.

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

I bought myself a parrot, but it did not say "I'm hungry", and so it died.

I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

A spoonful of humor makes the message go down easier.

Nothing is more curious than the almost savage hostility that Humour excites in those who lack it.

My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

What about a compromise? I'll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I'll apologize.

There's a fine line between support and stalking and let's all stay on the right side of that.

The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.

I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.

Hearing Mass is the ceremony I most favor during my travels. Church is the only place where someone speaks to me and I do not have to answer back.

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.