Quotes About Communication

We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.

behind all those messages we've allowed ourselves to be intimidated by are just individuals with unmet needs appealing to us to contribute to their well-being.

When we address a group without being clear what we are wanting back, unproductive discussions will often follow. However, if even one member of a group is conscious of the importance of clearly requesting the response that is desired, he or she can extend this consciousness to the group.

if my partner wants more affection than I'm giving her, she is "needy and dependent." But if I want more affection than she is giving me, then she is "aloof and insensitive." If my colleague is more concerned about details than I am, he is "picky and compulsive." On the other hand, if I am more concerned about details than he is, he is "sloppy and disorganized.

When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion

However, the most powerful way to communicate that we are making a genuine request is to empathize with people when they don't agree to the request.

Choosing to request rather than demand does not mean we give up when someone says no to our request. It does mean that we don't engage in persuasion until we have empathized with what's preventing the other person from saying yes.

It may appear that the child cares for the parent and feels bad because the parent is suffering. However, if children who assume this kind of responsibility change their behavior in accordance with parental wishes, they are not acting from the heart, but acting to avoid guilt.

Conversations often drag on and on, fulfilling no one's needs, because it is unclear whether the initiator of the conversation has gotten what she or he wanted.

Si quieres confundir cualquier situación puedo decirte cómo hacerlo: Mezcla lo que hice con tu reacción al respecto.

The more we interpret noncompliance as rejection, the more likely our requests will be heard as demands. This leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy, for the more people hear demands, the less they enjoy being around us.

When we speak a language that denies choice, we forfeit the life in ourselves for a robotlike mentality that disconnects us from our own core.

When we use language which denies choice (for example, words such as should, have to, ought, must, can't, supposed to, etc.), our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

Seu principal mérito é nos ensinar a nos colocarmos no lugar do outro, desenvolvendo a empatia, que é de grande ajuda até em casos mais difíceis de ruptura e má comunicação.

At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.

To practice the process of conflict resolution, we must completely abandon the goal of getting people to do what we want.

Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values.

focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging

Perhaps you are surprised that I regard praise and compliments to be life-alienating. Notice, however, that appreciation expressed in this form reveals little of what's going on in the speaker; it establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment. I define judgments—both positive and negative—as life-alienating communication.

This objective of getting what we want from other people—or getting them to do what we want them to do—threatens the autonomy of people, their right to choose what they want to do. And whenever people feel that they're not free to choose what they want to do, they are likely to resist, even if they see the purpose in what we are asking and would ordinarily want to do it.

People don't get better without follow-up. So let's get better at following up with our people.

None of this makes sense. At best, you've spent a lot of time failing to change someone's mind. At worst, you've made an enemy, damaged a relationship, and added to your reputation for being disagreeable.

When you start a sentence with "no," "but," "however," or any variation thereof, no matter how friendly your tone or how many cute mollifying phrases you throw in to acknowledge the other person's feelings, the message to the other person is You are wrong.

If she wants to be a great leader, she will need to "make peace" with watching what she says and observing how she acts—for the rest of her career.