Quotes About Irony

All sincere boys fall in love with stupid girls, all sincere girls fall in love with stupid boys, I am neither stupid nor sincere, that's why I am 'SINGLE'.

A girl called me once and said come over, nobody is home! I went there and she was right, nobody was home

Doing a book signing tomorrow at Barnes & Noble. Bring your own book...I haven't written one yet.

No matter how much water a sink takes on, it never lives up to its name. The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between sh.. and syphilis in the dictionary.

I used to work at the unemployment office. I hated it, because when they fired me, I had to show up to work anyway.

I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

I know a baseball star who wouldn't report the theft of his wife's credit cards because the thief spends less than she does.

There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

Heres something to think about: How come you never see a headline like Psychic Wins Lottery?

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

Don't drink and park, accidents in cars cause population. F**k more the Merrier

Tractors and boobs. There you have it.

Yeah, that's likely," Jolie replied, her voice keen with sarcasm. "And until then, we'll count the bluebirds and rainbows shooting out of my ass.

Cuando el tipo reía, era como para ponerse a reflexionar sobre las imprevistas variantes de la imbecilidad humana.