Quotes About Irony

Bigamy ? It's having one wife too much... ...Monogamy ? It's the same.

I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.

My friend "M" says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.

I was born with a priceless gift, the ability to laugh at the misfortunes of others.

Anything that is not funny at a certain point will be funny.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

The embarrassing thing is that my salad dressing is out-grossing my films.

Stupid National Anthem... Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? "Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit."

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Race makes things funny. A black guy driving in NASCAR: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Tide: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Aunt Jemima: hilarious.

I don't just randomly kill people... I kill people when it's funny.

What is funny about us is precisely that we take ourselves too seriously.

Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with.

I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad.

That's just how I see things. I think things that are the most dramatic or tragic can also look the most ridiculous and funny. That's part of being human.

If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket.

There is more to be said for stupidity than people imagine. Personally I have a great admiration for stupidity. It is a sort of fellow-feeling, I suppose.

Nothing says "deeply in mourning" like canapés and free beer.