Quotes About Irony

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.

Women... can't live with 'em... can't shoot 'em.

If you were on a sinking ship and yelled, Women and children first! how much feminist opposition do you think you'd get? . . . Women want to fight men for equal pay, but how often do they fight a man for the check? . . . And any man who questions a woman's physical capabilities gets branded a sexist -- but who do they call when there's a spider to be killed? Convenient feminism -- crackpot theory or dangerous lunacy?

God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage.

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.

Two red blood cells met and fell in love. But alas, it was in vein.

I often took him as one of God's little jokes on me. When I was in desperate trouble, what saved me from a fate worse than death? To what do I owe my life? Was it love, affection, understanding, friends, wisdom? No no no. It was a man who looks like a poor copy of Walt Disney, drives pink Cadillacs, wears baby-blue alligator shoes, and appears to have the emotional depth of a slightly retarded potato.

It wasn't playing both sides of the fence – it was betting against yourself but still playing to win – and it encapsulated everything absurd and paradoxical that I loved about the French.

Look at this leper accusing another leper of leprosy.

As my husband quipped, "If orgasm was the magic bullet, porn addicts would be the healthiest people on the planet.

It was just one of the many absurdities she discovered being married to Alexander Cameron: having everything she had ever wanted yet having nothing at all.

I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.

I don't necessarily agree with everything that I say.

Ugh, this was going to be fun, in the not at all fun sense.

I know, I said, if the humans were dead, who would make the media? It was so outrageous, it sounded like something a human would say.

It's important to distinguish the value of raw land from the value of improvements made to land. Land values are socially generated and belong to the communities that have created them. The irony is that while improvements such as buildings don't affect the underlying value of the land upon which they are located, they do have the ability to indirectly affect the properties that surround them.

Perhaps only his sense of humor and irony can save him when he hears the most powerful nation in the world speaking of his aggression as it drops thousands of bombs on a poor weak nation more than eight thousand miles away from its shores.

I had drunk so deeply of grief and innocently gambled so hard with fate and irony that a special kind of vision was gathering in my eyes, not entirely clear just yet. This was the same look people saw in your eyes when you have died for beauty and come to live accepting nature as life with no promise of paradise, and mad at people who couldn't see that.

Triumphantly, he announced their deaths to the cheering crowd in a famous one-word euphemism: vixere, 'they have lived' – that is, 'they're dead'.

I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my thumb.

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.