Quotes About Irony

Sometimes you feel as though you've slandered yourself, but the joke's on them.

Our specialty was exasperated dignity and the discombombulation of Authority.

Secret 3963. It's only a sucking chest wound if you're not the shooter.

If consultants followed their own advice, they wouldn't tell anyone.

Is it a lucky break if you get run over by an ambulance?

(I didn't tell him that thediagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You're a woman. Now die.)

Just my luck: My bloodthirsty killing machine was better with both kids and women than I was.

You've already said you were going to kill me, " Alex said, "but I didn't think that meant you were going to bore me to death.

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

The English country-gentleman galloping after a fox — the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

Have you ever noticed how people who wear camouflage gear really stand out in a crowd?

Noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it.

It would indeed be ironic if, in the name of national defence, we would sanction the subversion of one of those liberties which make the defence of our nation worthwhile.

Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.

The irony is that the person not taking risks feels the same amount of fear as the person who regularly takes risks.

It is an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when we have lost our way.

I think the world of you...and you know what condition the world is in today.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

He led his regiment from behind. He found it less exciting.

I don't suffer fools, and I like to see fools suffer.

How could you look more stupid than to be the guy accepting a bronze medal in gold shoes?