Quotes About Entertainment

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

You know what make me laugh? Good, clean, honest humor. Not-trying-to-be-funny humor. Like Will Ferrell. Will Ferrell got that kind of humor.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them...

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Comedy clubs have brick walls behind the performer. Bricks make you funny. When I'm in front of a fireplace, I'm hilarious.

If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute -- Ive got to have them.

I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.

If you're watching a parade, don't follow it. It never changes. If the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction. You will fast-forward the parade.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

The secret to humor is surprise.

It's just another of Robin's sayings. Like, 'Holy strawberries, Batman, we're in a jam! Or, Holy Kleenex, Batman, it was right under our nose and we blew it!

Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.

God displayed a sense of humor when he configured the region between our legs an entertainment complex built around a sewage system.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

Comedy is so hard to do, so it was very cool to do dead pan humor.

Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?