Quotes About Relationships

Almost everyone has or will experience getting dumped in their lifetime. Unless, of course, you're a nun. Jesus can't dump nuns.

Apparently I'm a 'Long' texter. Thanks for the criticism. Next time I'll just write 'F*ck you Grandpa.' instead.

'True Life: I Have A Hot Mom' is easily my favorite True Life.

I DON'T have EX's! I have Y's. Like 'Y the hell did I date you?!'

Never praise a sister to a sister in the hope of your compliments reaching the proper ears.

It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone? These are all days you gotta be with someone. And if you didn't get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year's, boom! There's Valentine's Day. I think there should be one more after Valentine's Day just called, 'Who could love you?'

Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't that freak you out a little? It's like, 'I don't know how to break this to you but I think she's banging your dad!

Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone's like 'Oh, happy valentine's day!' I even got a Valentine's Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!

Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

Drunks do not have friends, but accomplices.

When a man laughs at his troubles he loses a great many friends. They never forgive the loss of their prerogative.

We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

The best time to make friends is before you need them. Ether Barrymore

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?

The three words women most want to hear from a man are, "You lost weight".

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept giving me the runaround.

I was dating a guy for a while because he told me he had an incurable disease. I didn't realize it was stupidity.

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax-deductible.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.