Quotes About Relationships

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But I never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

My breath is offensive to my wife; I am loathsome to my own brothers.

It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife.

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.

Adam was the luckiest man in the world. He had no mother-in-law.

Dont believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of themselves.

The best time to make friends is before you need them.

I got a lotta best friends. Some o' them I don't even hardly know!

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're...you're...booty call!

No one will win the battle of the sexes, there is too much flirting with the enemy.

Laughing at our friends, we avenge the disappointment they have caused.

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all on the way down.

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.

Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend.

For my high colestorol my doctor prescribed me a boyfriend.

My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don't have sex ever. Now that the milk is free, we've both become lactose intolerant.

My mom always complains about my lack of a boyfriend. Well, next time she asks, I'm going to tell her I'm dating two different guys...Mr. Duracell and Mr. Energizer.