Quotes About Relationships

Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.

Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

A man explained inflation to his wife thus: 'When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much.'

Joan Collins unfortunately can't be with us tonight. She's busy attending the birth of her next husband.

When you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

My computer goes down on me more often than my girlfriend.

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

Continental people have sex lives; the English have hot-water bottles.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.

Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

A girl's legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part.

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

When I came here, I couldn't speak a word of English, but my sex life was perfect. Now my English is perfect but my sex life is rubbish.

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!

You see, money's not everything in life is it? but it keeps you in touch with your children...

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in this road except one. And she said, I'll bet it's that stuck up Phyllis at number 23.