Quotes About Comedy

I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

The only thing worth having in an earthly existence is a sense of humor.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I'm not even white. I'm off-white. It's a new race; we will prevail!

Humor is really laughing off a hurt, grinning at misery.

I like girls with a good sense of humor.

I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.

People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.

Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

I had these slinky eyes and a sense of humor.

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

Bad humor is an evasion of reality; good humor is an acceptance of it.

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

Humor is basically a cognitive process. And it's a creative process not only on the part of the cartoonist but on the part of the viewer.

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.