Quotes About Comedy

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!"

My wife had her drivers' test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

I think everybody you know, we all have a sense of humor and I'm not one to take myself too seriously.

I think comedy is a good way to deal with anything. I hear about people in the hospital who are ill, and they use humor to help them through it. I think it's a great remedy for many things.

Humor is the opposite of all self-admiration and self-praise.

I don't understand how somebody wouldn't have a sense of humor about themselves.

I had the cab driver drive me here backwards, and the dude owed me $27.50.

Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

The secret to humor is surprise.

It's just another of Robin's sayings. Like, 'Holy strawberries, Batman, we're in a jam! Or, Holy Kleenex, Batman, it was right under our nose and we blew it!

I think you learn more if you're laughing at the same time.

I need a woman to have a quirky sense of humor. There's a bunch of jokes I use, and if she doesn't get them, she's probably not for me.

Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.

I don't believe you really know God if you do not recognize His sense of humor.

If there were a Mount Rushmore of American humor, Terry Southern would be the mountain they'd carve it from

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"

I can't wait to get off the stage, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next!