Quotes About Comedy

She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

Humor is reason gone mad.

I am wearing a vest. If I had no arms, it would be a jacket.

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as '4's'?

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else"

Humor is hope's companion in arms. It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless. Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit.

A spoonful of humor makes the message go down easier.

Comedy is so hard to do, so it was very cool to do dead pan humor.

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

Brits have a better sense of humor in most ways. It's darker, more cutting.

Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!

I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, "Pass the salt." I said, "Screw you! Sit closer to the salt."

I had used my sense of humor; I had called it proportion, perspective. But perspective is distance.

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.

It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a divorce." I said: "I wasn't planning on spending that much."