Quotes About Comedy

Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.

Nothing is as universal as some good scatalogical humor. Even if it means having to be a little silly or cheeky, I think it is worth it.

You can teach taste, editorial sense, but the ability to say something funny is something I've never been able to teach anyone.

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does!

Comedy holds the greatest risk for an actor, and laughter is the reward.

I call my balls the bush twins.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.

I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.

I certainly didn't have New York Jewish humor. But I was in three Mel Brooks films so people thought I was a connoisseur of New York Jewish humor.

Sense of humor is so much more subjective than anyone believes.

When I say something funny in a newspaper and I meant it to be funny, it doesn't read that way.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

The comic spirit is given to us in order that we may analyze, weigh, and clarify things in us which nettle us, or which we are outgrowing, or trying to reshape

My wife's gotten really lazy, or as she calls it, 'pregnant.'

It's a basic rule of humor that a joke is always at somebody's expense. Really good jokes, however, tend to be at everyone's expense.

I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.