Quotes About Health

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.

Though the doctors treated him, let his blood, and gave him medications to drink, he nevertheless recovered.

Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity.

I firmly believe that if the whole material medica, as now used, could be sunk to the bottom of the sea, it would be better for mankind-and all the worse for the fishes.

It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.

The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.

A recent survey or North American males found 42% were overweight, 34% were critically obese and 8% ate the survey.

If you get a diagnosis, get on a therapy, keep a good attitude and keep your sense of humor.

Find 100 reasons to laugh. You are bound to feel better, you will cope with problems more effectively and people will enjoy being around you. Besides unhappiness, what do you have to lose?

Do fish get cramps after eating?

There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore. I get the roundabout AIDS test. I ask my friend Brian, "Do you know anybody who has AIDS?". He says, "No". I say, "Cool, because you know me."

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

We're concerned about AIDS inside our White House, make no mistake about it.

I tried the Scarsdale diet and the Stillman water diet (you remember that one, where you run weight off trying to get to the bathroom).

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"

For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control.

An adequate share of humor and laughter represents an essential part of the diet of the healthy person.