Quotes About Identity

What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Monkeys are superior to men in this: when a monkey looks into a mirror, he sees a monkey.

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.

I certainly didn't have New York Jewish humor. But I was in three Mel Brooks films so people thought I was a connoisseur of New York Jewish humor.

If you're considered a beauty, it's hard to be accepted doing anything but standing around.

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.

The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

They're working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie Murphy and now I'm a rip-off of Eddie Murphy.

American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.

I get mail; therefore I am.

Clones are people two.

Jewish introspection and Jewish humor is a way of surviving . . . if you're not handsome and you're not athletic and you're not rich, there's still one last hope with girls, which is being funny.

You have to maintain who you are as a person and stay true to yourself - that's my biggest moral as a human being, as well as a very self-deprecating sense of humor.

Leo. Jason said, you're wierd. Yeah, you tell me that a lot. Leo grinned. But if you don't remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes. Come on!

Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

I can't tell you what it's like to be in Europe, for example, to be talking about the greatness of America. But the true greatness of America are the people.

I did a radio interview; the DJ's first question was "Who are you?" I had to think. Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?

My father said, "Okay, enough with the Jewish school." He put me into a public school and he said, "If you are the first one in your class, that means the school is bad." That was his humor.

The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.

If a writer writes poems and short stories and novels, but nobody ever reads them, is she really a writer?