Quotes About Wit

What's a philosopher?' said Brutha. Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head.

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

I don't think I've drunk enough beer to understand that.

Well done,' said a voice somewhere behind him. 'Consciousness to sarcasm in five seconds!

She knew a cutting, incisive, withering and above all a self-evident answer existed. It was just that, to her extreme annoyance, she couldn't quite bring it to mind.

They were also slightly less intelligent than he was. This is a quality you should always pray for in your would-be murderer.

I may be daft but I'm no' stupid!

Behind her, Preston grunted and said, I know it's not the right thing to say to a lady, miss, but you are sweating like a pig! Tiffany, trying to get her shattered thoughts together, muttered, My mother always said that horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies merely glow... Is that so? said Preston cheerfully. Well, miss, you are glowing like a pig!

Priests were metal-reinforced overshoes. They saved your soles. This is an Assassin joke.

You're not going to tell me they built fifty-foot-high killer golems, are you? Only a man would think of that. It's our job, said Moist. If you don't think of fifty-foot-high killer golems first, someone else will.

You are very clever, said the old man shyly. I would like to eat your brains, one day.

The nice thing about artificial intelligence is that at least it's better than artificial stupidity.

with the grin of one who mistakenly thinks he's a wit when he's only half a one.

The pen is mightier than the sword… if the sword is very small and the pen is very sharp.

Lord Vetinari lifted an eyebrow with the care of one who, having found a piece of caterpillar in his salad, raises the rest of the lettuce.

You beat a dozen armed men single-handed? Oh aye, sir, said Wee Mad Arthur slyly, but it was nae fair, I had them outnumbered.

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

For example, it is said that someone at a party once asked the famous philosopher Ly Tin Weedle "Why are you here?" and the reply took three years.

A lot of what I think is funny is usually through some sort of character, or speaking earnestly one second and then saying something obviously joking.

Journalists never make it clear when you are joking.

Judge of a jest when you have done laughing.

I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.

Now the point of comedy is not just looking funny, it's use of language. We have at our disposal a great language... and the imaginative, creative use of that language can be at the service of humour.

It's just something that's sort of funny, sort of not.