Quotes About Wit

Who says that I am a bad house keeper, I kept all the houses of my ex-husbands.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

Time to start being all smart and stuff again...such a hassle, I'd rather be silly and sarcastic ALL the time

Making self-deprecating jokes about your sex life is the fastest way to win a place in my heart.

Chandler: I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Please give me some good advice in your next letter. I promise not to follow it.

people who do not get the joke are dangerous people indeed

L'ottusità degli uomini intelligenti, pensò Savita con un sorriso, è la metà delle ragioni che li rendono amabili.

The cleverest women hide it and create an aura of wit and charm instead. Those who can't wait a moment to prove how much smarter than men they are--Dios, what bores! A man might as well invite a bearded professor to lunch than a female with all her mental pencils sharpened; instead of being an amusing companion she sits for an examination, gobbling food and words and waving her hands about like a merchant in a bazaar. It is probably the Spaniard in me that dislikes the type!

A woman knows very well that, though a wit sends her his poems, praises her judgment, solicits her criticism, and drinks her tea, this by no means signifies that he respects her opinions, admires her understanding, or will refuse, though the rapier is denied him, to run through the body with his pen.

his T-shirt had words printed on it, so he was probably the brains of the outfit.

A woman drove me to drink, and I'll be a son-of-a-gun but I never even wrote to thank her.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

Impropriety is the soul of wit.

She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit.

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Anyone can tell the truth, but only very few of us can make epigrams.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.

Waitress: Don't be so free with your hands. Fields: Listen honey, I was only trying to guess your weight.

Attacking bad books is not only a waste of time but also bad for the character. If I find a book really bad, the only interest I can derive from writing about it has to come from myself, from such display of intelligence, wit and malice as I can contrive. One cannot review a bad book without showing off.

Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?" "Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!

Well, you're not exactly Superman, but you're awfully available.

Any nitwit can understand computers, and many do.