Quotes About Wit

There are only two perfectly useless things in the world," he quipped. "One is an appendix and the other is Poincaré!

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

One of my secrets is to joke all the time.

Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns

It would never do for me to lose my wits in the presence of a man who had none too many of his own.

You can tell a really wonderful quote by the fact that it's attributed to a whole raft of wits.

Her defeat did not stop Mrs Fish exercising her sharp and often cruel wit even against those she counted as friends. She even stood up to the formidable Alva, a close confidante, when Alva accused her of telling all their friends that she, Alva, looked like a frog. 'No, no!' cried Mamie, 'not a frog! A toad, my pet, a toad.

Trouble is, he wasn't clever enough to pretend to be a little less clever.

He had a high-cheekboned face with steady gray eyes, a broad-bridged aquiline nose and a wide, thin mouth. It was the countenance of a man who was clever, as ruthless with himself as with others, possessed of courage and humor, who hid his weaknesses behind a mask of wit—and sometimes of affected coldness.

A miracle," he said dryly. "Not at all," she replied with equally straight-faced aridity. "A woman would suffice.

And Charlotte, she knew, would be no rival, because Charlotte always spoilt any visual effect she might have made as soon as she opened her mouth! Why did Charlotte always have to say what she thought, instead of what she certainly had enough wit to know people wished?

You know what you remind me of? The telegram Harpo Marx sent his brothers: No message. Harpo." That made him grin. Sarah said, "You would think it was funny." "Well? Isn't it?

Explaining his filing system to capo George Zappola, Casso noted that he catalogued top-notch car thieves under the letter C. Gaspipe's sharp wit deflated Zappola when he asked for his classification. "Under U for useless.

May I offer you some advice? I'd rather you offered me a fast horse and a head start, Richard said with a tight smile. But I'll take the advice, too.

Now our poor Gib never had a sense of humor to lose...

Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick)

Laugh it up, asshole. But she who laughs last laughs longest, and I intend to belly roll tonight ~Tabitha

Nick - Psycho-ass? You're bringing psycho-ass back? Zarek - That's Mister Psycho-ass to you, punk.

You need to up your vocabulary, boy. You can't walk around letting people think you're stupid. Expand your horizons. Besides, it's fun to call people names they have to look up to realize they've been insulted. (Mark) Yeah, that's a twofer there. You get away with it and then they're twice as mad when they realize how bad you really insulted them. Especially if they mistake it for a compliment when you say it and thank you for it. (Bubba)

Hey, T-Rex? Remind me next time I want to get smartass with you that it's a really stupid move on my part? (Talon) Oh, no, you don't, you wuss. You told me the next time you saw Ash you were going to ask him if he'd seen the movie 10,000 BC and if it'd made him homesick. (Wulf)

Are you up? Dressing? (Astrid) No. I'm pissing on your rug. What do you think I'm doing? (Zarek) I'm blind. For all I know you really are peeing on my rug, which is a very nice rug incidentally, so I hope you're kidding. (Astrid)

Yeah, I'm thinking it's a reunion or, since it is our classmates, a collection of idiots. Let's call it a meese. Like geese, only with morons. (Caleb)

Get your butt over there and start reading before I beat you with my Rod of Time. (Sin) I can think of much better things to do with your rod than beat me, baby. (Kat) Aww, gawd, we've degenerated into really bad punage. I yield. Save me before my IQ points are damaged. (Sin)

You could have said 'Excuse me.' (Zarek) I'm not talking to you. (Astrid) Love you, too, babe. (Zarek) You really are an animal, aren't you? (Astrid) Woof, woof. (Zarek)